A Million Emotions in a Day

Tuesday, I came back to real life in the city. When I woke up I was not thrilled about coming back to my house. I was not thrilled at all. I considered never coming back, but then I knew I had too. I think Heavenly Father definitely knows us for sure. As I started my drive back I was very angry at him. I know that I'm strong enough to handle all this crap I'm going through, but let me tell you something... I DON'T WANT TO BE STRONG. Why can't someone else be strong? Can someone else be the strong one?

As I started to cry I began to have this overwhelming feeling of love!

I decided that I needed to turn on a cd to help me feel better.

Now it is poor me, why me, oh me
Boring the same old worn out blah blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all

Ain’t no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain’t no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don’t go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
Psssh
It happens

Thank you Sugarland - "It happens"

So I need to work on letting go laughing. Yes, I do have a ton of stress, but I need to laugh. I need to laugh a lot.
Next I decided to put in a cd I hadn't listened to in a couple of years. This is what I heard...

When the cold hard rain just won't quit
And you can't see your way out of it
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

Thank you Rascal Flatts- "Unstoppable"

I can do impossible things when the Lord is on my side. I need to have more faith that I can be healed emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I do need to take back the things that have been taken away from me. I can do this.

I went to my primary doctor today to get a referral to the cardiologist. I saw the PA and just as I thought they had no answers for me. Which is very frustrating, but I know I have 2 specialty Dr's that do have answers.

I went to Yoga because I wanted to go to the gym so bad, but knew until I get things sorted out I shouldn't be elevating my heart rate.

Today, Wednesday, (sorry I wrote this in two days) I am working some over time which is great since I could use the extra money for all my lovely bills. I woke up happy and blessed. I know there are plenty of people that have it worse and I pray for them. It's hard to have trials because it's hard to be strong especially when you you're family lives a few hours away and you often feel alone. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I just need to not believe they will, but KNOW they will.

Next Wednesday I have an appointment with the cardiologist. And the following week with 2 more people. What a great time I'm having. I guess it's just practice for when I'm a mom!

xoxo!