Hello Reality

So I have been waiting on the mail man the last few days to bring me my package of birth control. It never came. Why? Oh because I don't take the sugar pills and they don't take that into consideration. So here I am calling my doctors office trying to get a free sample which they don't have. I'll be going to the pharmacy to pay an arm and 5 legs to get coverage.

When I called the doctor's office I also needed to set up my follow up pap exam to look at the Pre-C cells. Before they told me they needed to do more biopsies. My last follow up appointment he had written down just a pap. Today... More biopsies indeed. I don't know why I'm so upset by that. Oh probably because just having a pap means that there is hope that the Dr doesn't think it's so bad. So we are doing the biopsies. Sweet. I think I'm going to cry.

My hormones are royally effed up! Luckily my pain isn't terrible and that's probably because I'm so jacked up from the continuous BC I've been taking. I never want to try this again because it just made me feel bad about myself. It makes me feel guilty knowing that my body is screwed up and I want so badly to be normal, but that's not going to happen for me. It's just not. What's going to even happen when I try and have babies and come off the BC for real. How does that even work? I feel like I'm the one responsible for messing up my hormones.

I feel irresponsible. I should be taking better care of myself. I should have looked online and should have been tracking my BC so this wouldn't happen. None of this should be happening to me. This isn't fair. I'm stuck. I need to sleep but I have to go to the dang store.

Just when things are looking up and I'm hopeful, reality bites me in the butt!