Dear Pain

Dear Pain,

Do you think you can go away? I would really like it if you did. Thanks.

I have been hurting every since right before my period. My cycle wasn't too terrible, but the weeks after have just been like murder. Tonight especially has been rough. I am in so much PAIN! I don't understand. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm nervous. I'm in pain! I called my mom because I am so home sick. Mostly because I am scared out of my bloody mind. I haven't had this much pain since August/September when I went to the ER and shortly after I found out I had the Pre-C. I think I'm so scared because the pain is not my normal endo pain that I am accustom too, but it's that weird pain lower middle that is my cervix... Yup. My cervix the spot where the C word could be growing.

I'm gonna call the doctor in the morning because I'm so nervous, but I'm so scared to go alone. Jamie is on a long ride for work. Today is his first day on his new "baby" aka motorcycle and they are going on a 2 hour ride. I really wish I lived closer to my mommy. Heck I even wish my dog could come with me to the Doctor's appointment because I'm so scared.

I know everyone thinks I'm going crazy and there is realistically nothing that they are going to find at the doctor, but I'm scared. Bad things can happen and this is my body. I live in it not anyone else. I live in the pain. I live through the hurt everyday. I don't like the pain. I'm so emotional right night. I'm in pain and can't understand what is going on with my body. I want it to stop so bad. I want it all to go away.

I am supposed to start my 13 week training program today for my triathlon. I don't know how well that is going to happen. We will have to see if A. I get into the doctor. B. See what he says. and C. See how I feel. I said that nothing was going to stop me, but seriously you don't even know how debilitating this pain can be.

Everyone wish for positive thoughts and prayers to get into the doctor today!