To some people they can't quite understand why I lately I have been a little more grumpy or mean.
Hi my name is Stephanie. I have a disease that is currently a MAJOR part of my life. I have more pain than you can ever imagine, yet here I am functioning because I have too. Here I am working like a normal human, not because I feel up to it, but because if I don't I won't have enough money to pay my bills and I'll lose my insurance, which is a HUGE deal to me right now. I don't have control over my pain. For the past year the pain has controlled my life. It gets to dictate what I do and do not do.
Hi my name is Stephanie. I have a serious test coming up tomorrow that has me scared out of my MIND! I would love to say that it will be fine, but last time I thought everything was going to be fine I woke up with a disease that has yet to stop hurting me.
Hi my name is Stephanie. I have been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years and yes it hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies, but dang it he has been by my side through all of this. NOT YOU! He has been my greatest strength and weakness. I do realize my mom has been there too. I'm not discrediting my mother in any way, shape, or form, or my family for that matter. However there are people out there in my life that are still confused as to why I am in my current situation. Well it's hard to be alone when you feel like everything is failing in your life.
I don't expect everyone to understand my life, but I do expect people to not judge me as I work through MY life. I don't expect people to pity me, but I do expect people to give me a little consideration. I'm not asking much here. I emotionally am at my breaking point with everything and everyone right now. I honestly am emotionally drained. You have not walked one step in my shoes. Not one. You don't know what is going on. I can almost promise y'all that if you had to deal with the pain I deal with you too would be upset and angry.
I feel guilty that my mom drives up here and goes to my appointments, but honestly I'm so thankful she does.
I feel bad that Jamie has to deal with a broken girlfriend.
I feel like a weight on every one's shoulders. (and by everyone I mean my family and Jamie)
I feel like Jamie deserves to have someone that is healthy.
I feel like my mom deserves to have a healthy daughter so she doesn't always have to worry about me.
I feel like I have no control over my life.
I feel like I have lost my beauty of being a woman.
Last week I was so upset with things going on I spent almost an entire time at the gym hitting the punching bag so hard that my hands were bleeding. No lies. Blood!
Now listen if you are in some way offended by this, that was not my intent, but if you are that just means that you are not innocent and maybe you are one of the people I am talking about. Guilty conscious much?
This is a blog where I have been able to open up and express myself. My hopes, my dreams, my struggles, my successes, my LIFE! I hope you enjoy reading about life through the eyes of me. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading.
Stephanie you are a strong woman and such a great example to me. Its sad to hear and know that people judge. It is true we don't know what's going on in other people's lives and that sometimes deep inside they are really struggling or hurting. I think people really need to be careful and be aware of others feelings. I remember when I in the process of miscarrying I was in the grocery store and I was having a really hard day and the lady was so rude at the checkout stand she made me cry. She was saying to another girl "well why is she crying geeze" out loud so I could hear...I remembered then on I realized people don't know what is going on they don't know that we may be struggling with, going through or even having a bad day. It's sad to think people are like that but they are. I've always tried since then on to be aware of others. I think you are handling this all so well. I can't even imagine living in pain and struggling how you do yet you always seem to stay positive. I am glad you have Jamie he seems like such a nice guy and someone who you need right now and he needs you. You are good for each other! You are not broken, I'm sorry right now life is hard. Hopefully you will find out some good news very soon and little by little things will get better! Hang in there and prayers are with you! :)
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