Thursday I was working an overtime shift partially during the day. On my way to work I saw that the Dr. had called. I called them back as I was driving. I asked to speak with the nurse that had called me. She got on the phone and said, "We got your results back. You have high risk cervical dysplasia. We need to have another procedure done to remove that."
I shut down. I stopped listening. All I could think of was MOTHER EFFFFFFFFF!!!! I knew right away the seriousness of what was going on. Precancerous cells growing inside of me with a high risk of evolving into... Cancer.
I remember her saying something about it needs to be done no later than 2-3 months. You have the option of being completely sedated or just having a local. I chose to be completely sedated. She said they would call me tomorrow and set up the appointment.
I'm pretty sure she said more, but I honestly can remember much. I don't remember getting off the freeway. I don't know how I didn't wreck.
I called Jamie because he had called while I was getting ready to call the dr's office back. I couldn't breathe. I was scared. He told me he would be there for me and I will get through this.
Next I called my mom, but she didn't have her phone. I called my dad and told him. I cried. I called my mom a little bit later because my dad had gotten a hold of her.
I went into work.
Numb.
Alone.
What do I even do next?
What happens from here?
Friday I scheduled my appointment for my procedure. It's called a LEEP procedure. (Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure) It's scheduled for November because the guy in charge of putting me to sleep is out of the country on a medical mission. Nice of him to just up and leave!
Like I said I chose to be sedated. Let me explain why. Although this procedure doesn't take long it is quite scary for me. I work in the lovely medical field where I will know if something goes wrong by a simple voice change. I don't want to hear anything. I don't want to smell anything (they have to cauterize to stop the bleeding.) I just don't want to know what's going on until it's over. Some might think this is a little over the top, but I think it's perfect for me and that's all that matters.
I'm so over this year.
I'm so ready to be done with seeing my doctor on a monthly basis. Really!
I am going to stop by later today in hopes of getting my results so when I go to my regular dr she can talk to me about the results more in depth. I have to go to the regular dr anyways to get clearance to have the procedure done.
Friday night and Saturday were spent in P*town with Jamie and my family. It was so nice to talk to my grandparents and know of their support and love for me. It was such a blessing to have most of my family gather around. I did miss my oldest sister and her family, but I'm sure I will see them next time.
I'm trying not to take things for granted anymore. Not that I think I'm going to die, but more because I lucky. I know that it isn't my time to go no matter what comes of this. I know that I'm here for a reason. I also know that there is some reason I am going through this.
This whole year has been an emotional roller coaster and I'm ready to get off before I puke!
I'm praying my Pre C doesn't turn into the Big C.
If that's God's will, then I'll kick it's butt!
This is a blog where I have been able to open up and express myself. My hopes, my dreams, my struggles, my successes, my LIFE! I hope you enjoy reading about life through the eyes of me. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading.
It seems like the really hard stuff comes all at the same time and it doesn't really give you a break. When this happened to me I was in Tucson and I was 21. My dad was in Africa and my mom was having a hard time dealing with 3 teenage boys on her own and my bad health on top of it. When my endo stuff started I had a lot of deeply personal issues going on and I had just started grad school and was working a crazy amount of hours at a crappy job. My point is, like you told me, this kind of thing only happens to people who can really take it, fight it, and come out on top. You're amazing to go through all of this and not just collapse and stop functioning. From the point of view of someone who has been through some pretty similar stuff, you're awesome and you will kick it right in the gut and be better than ever. People are always going to look at a pretty young woman and think that it's not as bad as you make it out to be, but the important thing to remember is that they are not in your shoes and they do not have any idea what it's like for you. My way of dealing was to just smile and pretend like it didn't bother me and eventually other people's opinions didn't matter so much. I have had trouble literally for the last 10 years, with the last 3 being the absolute worst, but it honestly does get better. Good luck, you really will get through it, even the emotional part!
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