Random Ramblings

There I was talking to Jamie about things going on at work when I ended up on the ground curled up in a ball, crying, can't breathe. He is telling me to breathe and I'm thinking yeah right it hurts more when I breathe. Then he tells me how I NEED to go see a GI doctor and how it's probably something with my intestines. I love the guy I really do, but he doesn't understand that the reason I don't want to go to another Dr is because I don't want more tests, possibly another diagnosis, maybe a diagnosis that has no resolution. I know that seems strange to some one that is normal, but well I'm not.

Speaking of Drs. This Friday I have my first pap since the big C scare. I'm nervous. REALLY nervous. I told my best friend that I am pretty sure everything would be fine because God couldn't do this to me right now while I'm going to school. (At least I hope he won't, but if He does I know I will just take it all in and roll with the punches as usual.)

School is going okay. Last week I got 100% on my quiz. I was REALLY excited. This week I don't think my quiz went so well. Good thing I got 100 last week to make up the difference. I really should be studying but my mind is just all over the place right now.

When I get overwhelmed I just sort of shut down and shut it all out. I should work on that. I should be working really hard to get ahead, but instead I'm just exhausted! I just want to SLEEP! I'm not a big fan of the saying I'll sleep when I'm dead, mostly because... Well if I don't sleep I could die! And really I think I'll be busy in Heaven meeting with all the people I miss and love.

My cousin Tim died of cancer years ago. I was never SUPER close to him when he was here, but when he died it really hit me. I felt an attachment to him. Sometimes I wonder if when I go to Heaven if it will be awkward when we meet up again. I mean what would we even say to each other. I would probably thank him for being my guardian angel and saving my life a few times. But would he think it's strange that I feel so close to him now, but never hung out with him much when he was here because he was so much older than me. He was like 10 years plus older than me so it's not like as children he would want to hang out with me.

Okay I guess enough of the rambling. I'll go study or something.... Or something.