Looking Forward

There are a few things coming up in my life I'm SERIOUSLY looking forward too (and a few I'm not)

-Next Wednesday Biopsies (Don't worry I'm sure it's nothing. Everything else is negative for a source so I'm sure this will be too.)

-Next Thursday I'm taking a class at work for babies that die in the uterus or shortly after. I'm really excited to expand my knowledge of helping others.

-Late October I'm going with my girl coworkers to Vegas. It will be interesting since I'm not into the Vegas scene. (Free hotel though!)

-November is not too special since I will be working through Thanksgiving. BOO!

-December I will be going to HAWAII for my birthday! I couldn't be more excited to spend my special day on the beach! It is going to be AWESOME to be surfing the waves is Hawaii's beautiful ocean.

I'm hoping to get into the LPN program in January. I have been filling out my paperwork all night and saying a lot of prayers! I turn in my paper work in November. I still have to retake a test from a few years ago so I can get into the program. I'm a little (a lot) nervous about the test because I feel like it's been so long! I will be doing some major studying!

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to show for my age, but then I realize that I have done a lot more than some BORING PEOPLE! Yeah so what, I'm not married, I don't have kids, I don't have a college degree, but I do have a great job, a great boyfriend, and I'm traveling a lot.

Life IS good!

Always a Princess

Friday night I worked until Saturday morning. Saturday morning I still had homework to do. (I am a terrible procrastinator.) So I stayed up late doing homework. I finally got to bed around 11:45. I woke up at 5 to the sweetest text from my father letting me know of his love and support.

Sometimes I feel forgotten about. Sometimes I feel alone, but then my parents do something that always lets me know of their love for me. I get packages from my mom with homemade cookies and a love note. I get random texts from my father letting me know he is thinking of me and he is proud of me. It is always amazing how quickly my day turns around when they let me know of their love. It is the GREATEST feeling in the world.

People may say I'm spoiled, but that's not the case. It's just......

Once a Princess... Always a Princess!

Quick Update

Friday was the test to see if I have ulcers on my bladder. Well..... It's a negative.

Let us review...

*Endometriosis- Yes I have that.
*PCOS- I don't have a yes or no answer to that because they forgot to tell me to come off the birth control for taking the blood. On ultrasound they said I do have a lot of little cysts on my ovaries.
*Intersticial cystitis- Negative on that
*Abnormal pap results- Yes. Hopefully no cancer cells. I will find out in a few weeks.
*Heart murmur- Small but insignificant
*Heart palpitations- Yes, but I know how to fix it if my heart starts beating too quickly.
*Pain- OH YES I DO!

So what's next? Well in a few weeks I will have a procedure done along with some biopsies. I was told maybe I should see an G.I. (gastrointestinal) doctor to see if that could be causing the pain. I'm undecided about that. Maybe I'm just so caught up about the endo thing that I can't see past it to think of any other body parts being broken.

My 2 cents

I care about health and truly want people to be healthy and happy with their body. The only "diet" that has with stood the times is simple EXERCISE and HEALTHY EATING! (This isn't a diet, but a way of living!) Our bodies are AMAZING creations. Seriously! They do so much for us every day. They can change what we eat into energy. If we do not use the energy we store it for use later on.

If we go back LESS than a hundred years ago we will see that food was not plentiful. There was no such thing as "Fast Food." People WORKED for every piece of food. They waited for the food to come in season before they could eat it. They WORKED in their fields doing MANUAL labor to be able to have a good harvest. If the harvest was good they ate it and continued to work in their fields for the next harvest. Now let us pretend that they got an early rain storm that flooded their fields and they lost all they had. They would only have a little bit of food to consume and it would have to last them all winter.

At this moment is when the AWESOMENESS of our body comes into play. Our body stores what we don't use just in case there is that flood in our lives when we are no longer able to provide for ourselves. When we have to WORK for our food we lose calories or we use energy. Energy is another word for calorie.

Now in 2011 we do not have to work for our food. No I do not think that makes us lazy. However we are consuming food and we are not using the energy from the food that we consume. We are eating a lot more than using causing us to be overweight. We are saving that food just in case there is a drought or flood or a freeze.

IN ORDER TO LOSE WEIGHT WE MUST be USING more calories than we are taking in. In saying that the way that we USE more than we take in is by EXERCISE! Just get in more activity than you did the day before. It doesn't need to be drastic, but it does need to be more than you are doing NOW! The reason I feel  I can talk so bluntly about this situation is because I can learn from this as well. I need to get more exercise as well. I get that. I also get that people reading are probably ticked. Possibly some of my family members. *HI GUYS*

Lowering our intake by by 100-200 calories a day and then burning an extra 200-300 a day will show you weight loss. Sure it's not going to be drastic. It's not going to be 40lbs in 40 days. It's going to be maybe 1-2 lbs a week.

DIETS DO NOT WORK!

LIFESTYLE CHANGES DO!!!!

The USDA came out with the food pyramid a while back. This year they updated it. They updated it to myplate. Why did they update it? Because people did not understand how to read the pyramid. There are 5 food groups. Grains- Over half of your grains need to be whole grains. Yes this means wheat not white!
vegetable- Eat more of a variety. Fruit- They give you natural sugar and are healthy. Calcium- Healthy bones. You never think this is important until they start to fail you. Protein- Your body can not store LEAN protein. Therefore it is a good source of energy.

Why is the HCG diet not healthy? You ARE, in fact, STARVING your body of nutrition. You are not treating your body with enough respect to do what it needs. 500 calories is not enough for anyone. You are putting your body into starvation mode. Yes you will lose weight starving yourself. People that are anorexic do the same thing. They starve themselves. When you decide you have lost the weight you would like to lose, you WILL, in fact, GAIN it ALLLLLL back if not more. Why will this happen? Because you HAVE NOT made ANY lifestyle changes. You are not dieting in a healthy manner so your body will store anything it gets because it will be afraid of going into starvation. You are not doing anything to help get rid of energy or calories. You are still doing nothing. (Once again I need to step up my cardio as well.) If you do not believe me here is a double blind study. (double blind studies are one of the best ways to do studies.) In this study they took 40 obese women. 6 days a week for 6 weeks they either got placebo or HCG. They all went on the restricted diet. The ones that had the HCG had NO advantages over those who just starved themselves.

It's not HEALTHY. It's not safe. It can cause a ton of side effects. HCG can cover up cancer cells and tumors because they way they are tested for those are by testing HCG levels in the body.

I understand being overweight. I understand looking in the mirror and feeling ugly. I had a boyfriend that would grab my ribs, the thinnest part of me, and say look how skinny you COULD be. So what did I do? I stopped eating. Yes I starved myself. I was probably consuming that 500 calories a day. (which is less than half of what I should be consuming) Then I opened up and told my family. I began eating again. I gained it all back, but what changed? Nothing. Then over the next few years I did my research. I studied. I learned. I was able to lose weight in a HEALTHY way. None of this restricting crap. You have to love yourself enough to be healthy and lose weight the right way.

As of today I am sure I need to do more cardio and I could make excuses 'til the cows come home as to why I'm not, but I know that excuses and good intentions pave the way to HELL, or in this case a non healthy body which can be like living hell. (And I would know because my body has it's own issues, but I try my best to be heart healthy)

I believe that everyone CAN be healthy with out going to extremes. Doctors have come out and said how when extremes happen your body can fail because of too much stress. Extremes in any situation. Extreme temperature, hot or cold. Extreme pain. Extreme exhaustion...bla bla bla.

I wonder at this point how many people are still reading. I know this all seems so harsh, but you can be healthy in any situation. You just have to START. Each day you have to ask yourself what is important and if you are willing to really achieve that goal.

There is a website called Shape Up America where it gives some secrets to shaping up. This website is raising awareness about obesity in America and challenging each of us to be healthy and get moving.

When your new lifestyle takes control in your life is when you will see changes. YOU WILL BE HEALTHIER. I can promise you that. I had blood taken at the end of 2010 and when I got my blood levels checked again when I had my heart issues my good cholesterol level was so high the cardiologist was impressed. My triglycerides had gone down to a good level. My heart was healthy even though I didn't physically feel healthy.

Being healthy isn't just a diet. It's a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. That's my 2 cents. I do apologize for offending anyone because this blog was to inform and educate not to make you feel angry or guilty.

Too Much Too Soon

This is now my THIRD attempt to write this post. I keep starting then I feel like I'm revealing too much. I want to be open and honest with myself on here and with others that read this. I want to be able to share my story in hopes that someone can benefit from it... However, since it is public I do need to keep some things on the D.L. until I am ready to share. I don't know why I need to even say all this. I probably feel a little guilty for hiding things because I've been so open.

I have an appointment on Friday with my Gyn and hope to have more answers for myself as to what is going on down there!!!! I am excited because my mom will be driving up here to be with me so I can have someone. She is such a blessing to me! What an AMAZING women she is. I know watching me go through all this has to be hard on her, but she stands strong and firm in helping me find answers. 

I am thankful for your support as I go forward with fighting these rough weeks ahead.

Treading Water

I have been feeling very positive about my situation lately, but today was not a good day. I feel like I'm living in this nightmare and I simply can NOT wake up. I was doing so well at being positive and accepting the things that have been happening, but I can't handle anything else. In this dream that I'm living I'm the only one that can fight. No one else can fight this for me. Just me.

I took my anger out on my bed. I punched it a few times (by a few I mean a lot.) I went to the gym. Ran and walked. Then I punched the stupid bag until my hands were red and hurt.

Why can't I wake up to my happy life? It's been a year and yet I still can't wake up.

I hope this is fake life. I want this to be fake life. I don't want this to be real.

I do not like it in a house.
I do not like it with a mouse.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like this mess I am.
I do not like it, Sir and Ma'am.

I was talking to Jamie and he said, "We will cross this bridge together."
I was talking to my mom and she said, "Everything will be okay."
I was talking to my sister and she said, "I will imagine you well."
I was talking to myself and I said, "Heavenly Father must think I'm really strong and stubborn to keep giving me these trials."

I know I have a lot of blessings in my life. I know that. And I want to be positive and look at all the blessings, but it's so hard sometimes. I had a glimmer of hope, but that tunnel of hope is now no smaller than this . Yeah, that dot right there. That is the size of my hope. All my hopes and dreams are changing. Now I only hope for a pain free and stress free day. Now I only dream of a day when I can no longer worry about 100 dr appointments and work to pay my bills (barely.)

I was doing pt yesterday and an older lady was talking to another older lady. The first one said to the second, "She looks healthy. She doesn't need to be here." The second said, "She looks healthy, but she could be in a lot of pain." I laughed and said thank you. Because yes, that is exactly it! I look healthy. I am 22. I should be in my prime of life, but instead I'm fighting to tread water. I'm fighting to keep my head up. I'm fighting so hard, but I'm getting tired. I'm getting worn out. I don't know how long I can keep fighting. (Okay, seriously, let's just be real, I'm going to keep fighting. I'm too dang stubborn to give up!!!) However, sometimes I do wish I wasn't so stubborn and could give up.

I need to throw myself into this nutrition class and forget for the next few weeks everything that is going on. I'm sure everyone is sick of me complaining, but I need to vent. I need to tell my story. I need to MAYBE give someone else hope to keep fighting!

-----Good News-----

My brother and sister in law had their baby girl!!!! I love to be an aunt! Best thing EVER!!!! Congratulations to them!

Ish

I'm taking a Nutrition for Sports and Fitness class. I'm not really sure what I've gotten myself into. I went and rented my book by giving them one arm and leg. I started to read. BORING! Seriously why don't they make books more interesting?!

I went to the gym today knowing fully that I may not make it through my work out because I just had not been feeling well. I should have listened to my body, but it had been so long since I had been there I was craving a good leg work out. I should know better! I know that when I do legs and/or abs I sometimes have flare ups. I also know that I would be starting my period this week but because of my continuous birth control I don't have my period, but I still have everything that comes with it. I was pretty irritated by the fact that everyone was staring at me as I limped around and tried to find a spot to be alone. What a joke!  It's a gym, you aren't even in the bathroom alone.

One thing that I have noticed lately is that when I sit directly upright, like sitting in a chair or on the ground, my side becomes a little irritated. It's kind of strange. I'm not really sure why it's like that.

I have been doing some research and I stumbled across a supplement that I would like to talk to my doctor about taking. The main ingredient is Nattokinase along with some strong anti oxidants. The sup is called Fibrovan. If the results are negative from this test next week I am going to talk to him about this. Also I will be REFUSING LUPRON! For those out there who are considering it... do your research. A group of woman is suing the makers of Lupron. I do not want to be involved with that drug or that company. I like looking for more natural ways of healing. I know that may make me sound like a hippie, but SERIOUSLY... IT'S MY BODY! I have to live with this body for ALLLLLLL of my life. If I screw it up by taking stupid drugs like Lupron I will regret it for... FOREVER!

I walked into the grocery store this evening because I wanted potatoes. Any for of potato. What did I come home with? PF Changs take home meals and stuff to make red velvet cupcakes. Why do I always go to the store when my tummy is growling. I know it never ends with just one thing.

I will be going back to work tomorrow. I'm not really sure how I feel about that to be honest. I feel like I need more time off. I'm not ready to be there with people. I'm not ready to go back to the real world where I fake it 'til I make it. Oh well. I guess I have to make money somehow.

Cruise

What a FABULOUS week it has been. As I sit here at my parents watching football with my brother and Roxy I can't help, but feel so blessed.

On Monday morning Jamie and I flew out to Los Angeles where we caught a shuttle to go get on the boat for our cruise. The ship is of course HUGE and some how still floats on the water.  Once we boarded the ship we ate lunch and looked around. We finally were allowed into our rooms so we checked that out and it was pretty small.

Our small room

We unpacked our luggage and hung out for a bit. After we walked around some more. We were up getting something to eat again around 6 when the boat set sail. I am scared of heights so I was really nervous getting close to the edge. 

Us as we drifted out to sea!

That night we set up our adventures for the next days and Jamie realized he forgot his swim shorts so we had to buy some new ones. I am obsessed with Roxy and the store on the ship had roxy gear! I tried on all the hats, but I didn't buy a single one!

We went to our first dinner and met our table mates. There was a couple from Scotland, a couple from Australia, a couple from The Philippines, and a couple from Oregon. It was a fun experience getting to know everyone! I loved just listening to them all talk and compare stories about life.

On Tuesday we were in Catalina Island. We did a work out in the boat's gym first thing. That was AWESOME! I watched as people parasailed and went out boating. That afternoon we went to shore  where we went snorkeling. We didn't bring our camera because we didn't want it to get stolen or wet. I enjoyed holding Jamie's hand and just floating with the waves. I did get pretty cold because the water is FREEZING. They did give us wet suits. Jamie got a special one because he didn't fit into the other ones. Even the instructor said he could be a wet suit model! DELISH!

Tuesday night we dressed up in nice clothes and had dinner. They whole boat was dressed in nice clothes. It's always nice to get dressed up and go to dinner. My favorite part about dinner every night was that I got a chocolate fudge cake with ice cream! YUMMMM!!!!

Wednesday we arrived in Ensenada, Mexico. First thing in the morning we went kayaking and saw the World's biggest blow hole! It was AWESOME!!!!!! The waves come in and because of the pressure the water shoots up between the rocks over 100 ft in the air!

As Jamie was taking some pictures an animal jumped out of the water and I FREAKED out! Later we saw some seals and I realized the animal I saw was a seal. Because of the kelp that is so dense in that area it's a good habitat for fish which is also great feeding grounds for the seals. It was so cool to be so close to seals in their natural habitat.

After the kayaking we went to the ship, got cleaned up, and went back out shopping. We ate at a great little taco place and enjoyed the environment and weather! I bought some natural vanilla for my mom and I and a shirt. Jamie bought some things for him and Sara. As we were walking back to the ship there was a young boy around 7 that was trying to get us to buy bracelets. His younger brother maybe was 3 was walking around with just a cup. It was a reality check for sure.

Once we got back on the boat Jamie went to the gym while I napped because I had pushed myself too hard and my body was PISSED at me. So I napped. 

At dinner our table mates bought us presents from Mexico which included a flute. We did a little train line and I played my flute the whole way around the dining room. It was fun to just make fools of ourselves!

Thursday we spent all day at sea. Mostly it was for those people who drink, smoke, and gamble. Since we don't do any of those things we laid out and caught some sun rays! As we laid out we saw dolphins off in the distance. How beautiful! How amazing!!!! After lunch we went back and laid out some more! Later we went to the gym again and being able to see the ocean made working out not so boring. The ocean is so relaxing! We decided that it would be fun to watch the sun set. So that's exactly what we did!

Us watching the sun set!

Friday we left the ship and flew back to Arizona. I decided later that night to come and see my family. So that's what I did!

Saturday morning I played football with my family and I had a blast.

Here I sit with Roxy next to me feeling so blessed.

I AM BLESSED!!!!

I am thankful for Jamie and his love and devotion to me. I'm thankful for his strength that keeps me fighting. I'm thankful for my family and their love for me! I'm am blessed to have such amazing people in my life!

These are the memories that will never fade! ♥