The Good, The Bad, and The Funny

THE GOOD




So Basically I live off popcorn. Yes, I said I LIVE off it and I'm not even over
exaggerating on that.
Santa brought me a popcorn maker for Christmas and boy am I happy for this gift. It's like the gift that keeps on giving and GIVING and GIVING!!!! Every time I eat popcorn it's like a special present in my mouth! Oh how I love popcorn! The best part is 3 cups of AIR popped popcorn is only 100 calories. Yeah so maybe it's "empty" or "simple" carbs, but it considered healthy. It is also high in fiber which is a big plus!

The BAD

Well you remember a few posts back about the flat tire... here is the issue! That is a lovely nail. It's not even painted a cool color like pink. Just a plain 'ol silver nail. I JUST
found this nail maybe an hour ago. So I guess tomorrow/today I will be waking up early to take my tire in before I go to work. Hopefully it's not tooooo much money, but it should be just a nice patch (I hope.)

THE FUNNY

NEED. I. SAY...........


















MORE!!!!!!!








I love my new computer! ;)

Just Being a Girl

Well I need to just talk about things going through my head and since it's 2:48 am I figured I will just write on here instead of waking up my mom to cry to her.

Let me just start off saying that I've been doing so well at accepting the things that have come into my life. I am grateful for my struggles because yes, they have made me a stronger woman and have shaped and sculpted me. At this very moment though I'm angry. Yes, I'm mad and want to just curl up in a ball and cry.


Let's be real, I know there are people out there going through worse than me. A family friend lost her house in one of the many tornadoes that have been hitting our Country. I have seen families lose their children to drownings here at work. I have seen people lose their loved ones to Cancer. I have seen people lose their jobs. I am very blessed for the things that I have. YES I AM BLESSED!

Right now however... I do not feel so blessed. Like I said I'm angry. I'm angry at my lovely little body. I'm angry at the Doctors. I'm angry at my pain. I'm just angry. I just want there to be a cure. I just want there to be an answer. I want there to be something I can do. I am sick of just trying things with out really knowing if they are going to work or not. Nothing is more irritating than knowing you're in so much pain, but no one can do anything about it. You can take medicine, but most of the time it doesn't even work. You can go to the ER but they won't do anything because it is a chronic disease. Everyone just wants to give you things to cover up the pain for a few hours, but I know that in a few hours it will be back (if it even went away to begin with.)

I recently read this article here... http://endometriosis.org/resources/articles/family-and-partners/ that said, "It can be very difficult to understand pain or fatigue in another person, but if you know someone with endometriosis the biggest favour you can do to her is to learn about her disease. You need to understand that the woman you care about is dealing with a condition for which there is – for most – no cure. She has to come to terms with living with a chronic disease, sometimes in severe pain, with extreme exhaustion, and for some accepting that she will never have children. She may not have a visible handicap, but she may still be in pain both physically and emotionally."

Maybe I'm writing this because in this moment I feel alone. I feel vulnerable. Or maybe I just have so many bottled up feelings I finally just needed them out. Most likely I just want people to understand the emotional and physical things I'm going through so I don't have to feel alone or crazy or broken.

Here is a list of things I can be grateful for today...
*I did not miss work this week
*I have a house to live in
*I have enough money for food
*I have a car
*I have gaurdian angels that won't let me feel alone for too long
*I have a Mom and Dad and family that loves me more than I know
*I am stubborn enough to work through pain
*I am strong enough to keep moving forward
*I have the Roxy dog that no matter what loves me
*I have a great room mate!
*I have a job that I love
*I have my best friend, Jamie, that has been there for me through everything (and thankfully he is strong because he has had to pick me up off the floor more than once and put me on my bed!)
*I LOVE my nieces and nephews and they think I'm amazing
*I know how to bake
*I know how to help save a life
*I can count backwards from 20 (on good days)
*I can work under stress
*I laugh a lot
*I am beautiful
*I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father


I know I have more to be grateful for, but those are just a few I could think of, silly and serious. I'm just having a hard day, but I do know tomorrow will be better. PS I don't have to work tomorrow so that means I get to just sit around and take care of me! (That includes doing laundry and watching Grey's Anatomy!!!!)

I'll try and be a little bit more positive next time I post. Thankfully this is my blog and I get to post whatever I want =)

XOXO!

Cookies

Okay so I promised I would put up some stuff on here about how I'm doing with my gluten free and such diet. Some days are better than others (I feel like I've said that a thousand times, but it's true.) I have a hard time when I go to work because I don't have very many options and I HATE, HATE, HATE left overs so that too is limiting. However it has been a fun learning experience.

Last month when I went home to visit my fabulous family my mom bought me this flour that was organic and not regular flour. Rice flour to be exact. She also bought me some pancake mix and some other all purpose gluten free flour which has different flours from things beans, rice, basically everything but wheat. The pancakes were heavy. Not the normal light and fluffy, I could eat 17 of these things, kind. They weren't to terribly bad....

From there I came home to my lovely apartment and I went to the store and found this...

Which made these....

They were actually better than the pancakes! The cookie dough however was GROSSSSS!!! I told myself that if the cookies were that bad I would throw them out. Luckily they tasted really good. I even brought them to work the next day and people were shocked at how good they were. They were soft and just perfect.


Although these are gluten free they are not sugar free so I only ate 2, okay 3 and that's why my work peeps got the rest.


The major purpose of doing this crazy diet is to help reduce the pain. I will have pain for the rest of my life and I'm still working on coming to terms with that, but hopefully doing the diet will reduce the pain enough that I will not have to go on these horrible meds that make me go through menopause.


Yes people I still have bad days. Doing all these things isn't going to work 100% of the times, but if it works 80% I can work on coping the other 20% of the time!


-Me-


PS I LOVE popcorn! 100% gluten free!

Oh yeah!

I finally bought myself a computer this past week and that means I get to blog more because

I don't have to depend on someone else. I love to be independent!!! There is no better feeling of paying for something by yourself with no help from anyone else.

Although I bought my computer and then a few days later when I was out to eat with my parents we came out and they let me know my back tire was low.... AH CRAP! I just bought a computer and now how am I going to pay for a tire. Thankfully the air is holding so far. I should probably get that looked at soon since I'm going to be going camping this next weekend.

I missed a week of the gym because I went to my parents house and I do not feel bad at all!!! I love love LOVE my family. They are amazing! I got to spend longer than usual with them and watched at strep spread through my nieces and nephews like water. It was comical only because I didn't get sick! A skunk ate my sisters baby chicks so they became real trappers and after a few days caught the skunk. I was hoping they would catch it when I was there, but unfortunately they caught it the morning after I left.

Now after working 3 days in a row I'm back for 3 days then I'm going to get a crown on my tooth and then go camping. I am quite tempted to start doing 2 a day work outs, but then I come to senses and realize that is the craziest idea I've ever had!!! I'll stick to my lovely beautiful body. I love myself no matter if I hit the gym 20 times a day or 20 times a year!

Have a fabulous day everyone!!!!!

Warrior Dash

I'm sooooooo HAPPY! I did it!

I DID IT! I FINISHED THE RACE!

I think I could cry because I am so happy!

Saturday night I stayed up late with some friends for a birthday. I finally fell asleep, but in the middle of my few hours of sleep I kept waking up with my heart pounding in my chest and I would have to look at the clock to make sure I didn't miss my alarm. I did this probably 10 times.

We all met at a co worker's house, Leslie and her husband Tate. From there we carpooled to Florence where we would be greeted with this sign...


To this I firmly replied out loud, "NO! I'm a princess! I'm the one they come to save." Of course everyone thought that was funny because, well let's face it, I think I am a princess. The name on the back of my shirt was Warrior Barbie! Enough said!

Well I continued to have anxiety up until the race. I was not sure what I was even thinking putting myself through this. All I knew was I made a promise to myself to do this and I was going to finish. I was not going to back down now! I was here I was ready to run... Kind of.

As you can see we wore plaid skirts to show how warrior we were. (PS the paper makes me look fat boo) Meg, Kristin and I are the ones in this picture. We all had the nurse skull and cross bones on the front and some kind of name on the back.

Thanks to my nerves I had to use the restroom... Well that is just a row of Porto potties. Not very classy!

So finally it was 1 and we were lined up at the start line. I was super nervous. I kept dancing around because I was scared.

The flame went of and that was the signal to RUN!
We ran and ran and ran and ran some more. We basically split off into 3 groups. Straight walkers. Walkers with a little running. and Running with a little walking. I was proud to be in the Running with a little walking club! It was so much fun!

There were all kinds of obstacles. Jumping over fire, army crawl through mud, walls to climb, running through a creek, and many MANY more.

When I was done I felt so FABULOUS! I was covered head to toe with mud, but I felt like a million dollars. So what I wasn't the fastest, but I finished strong. I proved to myself I can do things! I needed that!


That's me in the front left. Covered in mud, but beautiful as ever INSIDE!

Shoes, Recipes, and Running

I told myself I wasn't going to post until I had a chance to take a picture of my cute new wedges, but I am just tooooooooooooooo excited!!!!

Let me tell you about my new summer wedges... They are white and have sequins lace and just plain white on them. I can not do justice to their beauty! Love at first SIGHT!!!

It's been 2 weeks now that I have been trying REALLY REALLY hard to eat gluten free. I've been all kinds of google searches on recipes and ideas. I have talked to people I know that are gluten free for their ideas as well. I knew some ideas of what I could eat, but I'm not a bunny so for me to eat my weight in veggies didn't sound appealing. I soon learned two things, this is one of the hardest things EVER! and Wait this is a little easier than I thought!

When I first went to the store I had Jamie by my side. We just went to the Bashas that was on the corner. I almost cried the entire time and ended up purchasing corn tortillas, blue corn chips, and potatoes. So that is basically what I've been eating along with rice that I had at my house.

One morning, I kid you not, I had no idea what to eat so I ate brown rice with cinnamon. It wasn't too bad actually.

The hardest thing is reading the label on EVERYTHING!!!! The terryaki sauce I was using had wheat in it so I can no longer use that.
Another hard thing is taking the time to prepare meals. Working nights is not easy when it comes to making lifestyle changes.

Just a little while ago I found this blog with all kinds of recipes that are gluten free. I am excited to try them. I have given up dairy and that means my favorite food, ice cream, is now a no go. I found this recipe for strawberry chocolate chip sherbet! I'm super excited to try it out!

I also found a recipe for lime chicken tacos. Sounds DELISH!

I know that living gluten free may sound completely crazy, okay it is, but gluten isn't actually all that healthy. Gluten or wheat is used in things like wall paper glue... SERIOUSLY! It's because it's a sticky substance hence why it's used for GLUE!Now that you know it is sticky and used for glue maybe it will be easier to understand what is going on in many MANY people's tummy's. The gluten is sticking to bowels and who knows what else. This is why I have chosen to cut it out of my diet.
It was suggested to me to cut out many foods and after 2 months maybe add one thing back at a time to see if certain foods create more pain for me. I figured I may as well try!

I know you all are DYING to know how I'm doing with my running routine. Well I can do a lot better. Last Monday I went to the gym with my partner in crime and took his advice to lift first then to do my run. I DIED!!! Seriously let me tell you I could barely walk much less run! Jamie was telling me on the way to the gym that I should lift as hard as I can and so that's exactly what I did, but man oh man I'm still paying for that day at the gym.

As of today 17 more days until the run!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

One more thing... the site I found the recipes is http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/ GO THERE!!!!

A Punch in the Face

Don't laugh too hard at my fingers. It seems that I may have forgotten a few things from my ballet teacher, but EVERY time I look at this picture I can't help but laugh.


Jamie and I spent the weekend it California. It was a much needed break from things going on in life that just seemed too much to handle at the time.


Going to California was just the thing I needed to let go of all the hurt and pain that I have been feeling about my endometriosis. I was able to feel my Heavenly Father's love through the beautiful Earth He has given us. I felt like He knew me and knew my pain and that is what I needed.

As I was doing my laundry today I received an email from someone who I will keep anonymous that brought back my hurt. I want to share with you part of the letter to help people out there reading this blog what we women of endometriosis deal with. The context is me saying I needed to take this trip to California to take a break from the disease that now controls my life.

"Please consider next time you say you have “a disease that controls your life,” think of my sister and those millions of others that truly have a life changing disease. You can still have kids. You don’t have to change your life to accommodate doctor visits and treatments. You don’t have to have a special diet. You aren’t going to lose your job because of endometriosis. You are lucky. I am not saying any of this to make you mad or offend you or make you feel like I don’t care about the fact that you do have endometriosis. I am saying it to make you think."


To me this is a PUNCH IN THE FACE!!!!

Dear readers let me clear some things up...

One Endometriosis controls my life in the following ways
- I have pain.
- My pain strikes at any given time
- When the pain is bad enough I can not move for quite some time.
- I have been in the middle of saving a child's life when the pain came on and that was a very critical moment.

Two The doctor does not know if I can have children. There is a strong chance that I can yes, but I will not know until I try. Every period I have lowers the chances of ever having a child.

Three I work nights. So going to the doctor is a struggle because they are only open at certain times. If I do not get my pain under control with birth control I will be getting a monthly shot which will put me in to Menopause.

Four I do have a diet. GLUTEN FREE!!! oh and with that no sugar. No Caffeine. No Milk products (which includes my fav ICE CREAM.) No Red Meat.

Five I have missed days of work because I am in so much pain. I'm sure my team doesn't appreciate it when I don't show up for work. Especially when we run short staffed almost every night.

Six Sure I'm lucky that I am not dying, but I live with pain every day and there is no CURE!!! Not even the treatments take the pain away or the endo away. Surgery doesn't fix everything. Oh and if by the grace of God I do have a daughter the chances of her going through the same things I am is GREAT!

I once again encourage everyone to go and read about endometriosis and learn the facts before saying something that will hurt someone.