I love to learn. I really do. I don't like learning in a class room, but I do love to learn from hands on experiences. I believe that we should continue to learn every day. Well I'm learning alright. Here are some things I'm learning...
Endometriosis hurts and it is not very much fun.
ENDOMETRIOSIS IS A DISEASE!
How to cope.
People will not always understand and that is okay.
Watching someone you love going through something hard is tough.
To say thank you when people say little things that mean a lot to me like, "I wish you didn't have this disease," or "I wish I could take it away."
It's okay to cry.
I will get through this!
I need to work on patience because all this takes a while.
I ran Friday morning when I got off work I completed my first week of running. (at least my first week according to the program. I actually am trying to run 5 days instead of just 3) I should feel proud of myself, but I didn't feel so well when I finished so I just kind of collapsed on the floor instead. I thought training for the warrior dash would be easy. I thought that I could do these runs with no effect on my body, but that has proven to be untrue. I'm in this though and I'm going to run this dash. It may hurt some days, but I need to feel like I can do things.
For you people out there that can run and jump and do all these things I can't do with out causing myself pain CONGRATS to you! But know that for people like me we have another obstacle to over come. It's not easy for me to get out of bed some days. It's not easy for me to run. Running bounces my insides. Running causes my bowels to move which sometimes hurts. To complete this run to me is like showing endo that I'm not going to stand for the pain. I'm showing myself that I'm worth more than pain!
I'm taking a stand.
Who else will take a stand against endometriosis and (at least) LEARN about the disease?!
-ME-
This is a blog where I have been able to open up and express myself. My hopes, my dreams, my struggles, my successes, my LIFE! I hope you enjoy reading about life through the eyes of me. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Obesity
Wednesday I went with my friend Jess to a nutrition store because we had a card for free smoothies and body analysis. I was excited because I'm trying to be more health conscious and figured this would be fun. We go and it was this place where everyone knew everyone, there was chill music, and just a laid back atmosphere. We give them out card and they start talking to us about the nutrition program they are running. First we drink aloe vera mango water. That was delish!!!! It felt clean and pure. Next we had some tea. I'm not a fan of tea, but it was okay. Last we had a protein shake that was supposed to taste like cake batter. Forget that! I can only say it tasted like protein. It was not very good at all. They sat us down and we started to do our body analysis. Then began to go over the results. The boy that was doing the results was probably around 19ish and didn't know very much about nutrition and health. He was showing us a chart with body fat percentages and tells me I'm obese. I told him, "Um excuse me I don't think I'm obese. Look at me I'm not obese!" My friend Jess said, "Um yeah I don't think that is right." He said, "Um I don't know I guess we will just say you're at risk." I seriously almost punched that guy in the face! Sorry that's just my aggressive side coming out! But seriously! Jess told me that we will have to go back in a few weeks and see if there is a drastic change in those numbers.
I told Jamie and he said that maybe I should do a dunk tank because that is the most accurate. Those hand held devices at the gym (or nutrition store) are not always correct. OBVIOUSLY!
I'm trying to figure out when I should run with work. Should I run before work or after. It's such a major decision to make!
Jamie will soon start dieting down for his next show and I plan to do the show and diet with him. I am SUPER excited!!!! We get to be back stage together and it will be easier to diet when he is doing the same. We are also have a contest of who is sexier.
I told Jamie and he said that maybe I should do a dunk tank because that is the most accurate. Those hand held devices at the gym (or nutrition store) are not always correct. OBVIOUSLY!
I'm trying to figure out when I should run with work. Should I run before work or after. It's such a major decision to make!
Jamie will soon start dieting down for his next show and I plan to do the show and diet with him. I am SUPER excited!!!! We get to be back stage together and it will be easier to diet when he is doing the same. We are also have a contest of who is sexier.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Run Away!
GREAT news I started my first run on Sunday! I am doing the couch to 5k and I did my first official run on Sunday. I was so proud of myself! I would have jumped in the air, but honestly I was a little tired and could barely make it down the stairs to leave. Monday I finished my second run! I just feel so accomplished. Okay, okay, I know it's only been two runs, but that's amazing for me. I'm not a runner. I don't like running, but I'm doing it because I set a goal! I bought these running skirts so I don't have to fuss with shorts and all the pulling and awkwardness of them if they ride up. These skirts rock my world! I also bought new running shoes because I felt like I deserved them! I will put up pictures shortly I promise.
Today I didn't go running. Today I went to the Dr. I spent the last month thinking that they removed the endometriosis off my right side where I had been feeling the pain only to realize that they found it on my left! I am still having pain on the right which is SOOOOOO annoying I cant even stand it. Thankfully I have a great Dr. who is working with me to find the best possible treatment. Unfortunately this disease is very very painful and that will never go away. He said my right side is clear of scar tissue and did not see any endometriosis, but it could be there just not visible with the naked eye. Unfortunately the only way to completely get rid of the pain is to take all my girly parts away and I'm not doing that because I hope to still have a baby one day!
I'm worried that me working out again is causing the pain, but I'm going to push through it and work for my goals that I have. I am not going to let the pain control me! I refuse to become a victim of the pain. I will "RUN AWAY" the pain!
-Me
Today I didn't go running. Today I went to the Dr. I spent the last month thinking that they removed the endometriosis off my right side where I had been feeling the pain only to realize that they found it on my left! I am still having pain on the right which is SOOOOOO annoying I cant even stand it. Thankfully I have a great Dr. who is working with me to find the best possible treatment. Unfortunately this disease is very very painful and that will never go away. He said my right side is clear of scar tissue and did not see any endometriosis, but it could be there just not visible with the naked eye. Unfortunately the only way to completely get rid of the pain is to take all my girly parts away and I'm not doing that because I hope to still have a baby one day!
I'm worried that me working out again is causing the pain, but I'm going to push through it and work for my goals that I have. I am not going to let the pain control me! I refuse to become a victim of the pain. I will "RUN AWAY" the pain!
-Me
Friday, March 11, 2011
Here's the truth
Well the truth is I've been avoiding the blog on purpose. I feel like I've let you all down and importantly myself down.
Here is what happened...
Since September I had been experiencing pain in my lower right side. It was random and would hit me so hard I would just cry. Then after 10 min it would go away. I went to my GYNO Dr. She worked me up for a few months. I had an ultra sound and blood work, but they couldn't figure it out. I went to the ER one morning in hopes they could figure out the pain, but no such luck. I went back to the Dr and she said that maybe I had scar tissue in my abdomen from getting my appendix out in 2007. In January I went to see the surgeon. I did another ultra sound and nothing was visual. The only way to figure out the pain was to have surgery. I was not too thrilled about this. I was scared out of my MIND!!!! The pain was getting more frequent and it was ruining my life. I had to stop going to the gym because it hurt me. I scheduled the surgery and gave up on my hopes to do the bikini show on March 12 and finish the body transformation by the end of March.
The weeks leading up to surgery I did attempt to go back to the gym and just ended up crying and asking Jamie to please hurry and take me home. I went again because I'm stubborn and I cried because I couldn't do the things I wanted to so I went into the empty class room and danced. I did ballet to the music in my head and made my experience more enjoyable.
I had surgery on February 17th. It was scheduled for 10:30, but I didn't go back into surgery until 3! It was a long day, not to mention I was at work the night before doing a bowel prep. That was fun.... NOT!!!!!
When I was going to sleep they asked me where I work nights and I told them and they said, "oh we will take extra good care of you." (I had surgery at the same hospital I work for.) I woke up an hour and a half later. I was being yelled at to breathe and then after I was more aware of what was going on I started to cry. I was scared and didn't know the people around me. I held my hand out to one of the nurses and asked him to hold my hand. This guy was skinny and had a mustache, but he held my hand and when he left the other nurse held my hand. I was put into some rolling recliner thing and taken to another area where my parents were finally able to come back. My dad informed me they talked to the Surgeon and he told them they had found endometriosis attached to my bowel and were able to safely remove all of it. They did not see any signs of it anywhere else. I started crying again and asked if I could still have babies. I remember my dad chuckling under his breath and saying yes you can still have kids. At some point I started crying again because there was no food at my house for my mom to eat. I was really stressed about that apparently, but I have no recollection about that. I had an abrasive nurse that kept saying things that on a normal day would have made me yell, but I was drugged. She brought me some Vicoden and let me get dressed as my dad went to get the car. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. There was something wrong with my FACE!!!!!! I was so mad! I had patiki eye!!!! I had a bunch of broken blood vessels all over my face. I had red dots all over my face, neck and chest. This probably happened at some point when I was having a hard time breathing. Not breathing, choking, coughing hard or even throwing up violently are some of the causes. I asked the nurse about it and she had no clue. She thought it was an allergic reaction at which point I tried to explain what it was and how it could have possibly been caused, but I'm sure in my head it sounded WAYYYY better than what came out of my mouth. When I got in the car with my dad I said there was something wrong with my face and my hair looked hideous and not to tell anyone I looked like that!
We made it back to my apartment. I tried to eat, but felt sick so I slept. My dad drove home to Pima and my mom stayed with me. The next day she drove me and my car down to Pima so I could be with my family as I recovered. I'm so glad I went home to recover because I needed the laughs and smiles of nieces and nephews to make me laugh and smile. We even had an ice cream party on my behalf because that's all I wanted to eat.
I'm glad the surgery is over and done with. I go back to the surgeon on the 22 for a follow up. I have some pain on and off, but nothing like before. I attempted to go back to work after a week of recovery, but after a few hours I was driven home by a great coworker that could see the pain in my eyes. I took another week off and I feel a TON better.
I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life to take care of me. My whole family made sure I didn't do to much although I did get in trouble a few times for picking up my 2 year old nephew! Jamie took care of me here and made sure I was eating and resting. I never wanted to eat, but when I had a craving he made sure that I could get whatever food I wanted quickly! My coworker Shari is an angel for taking me all the way out east to take me home because there was no chance in heck I could drive.
I start back on a work out schedule the 23rd assuming the Dr gives me the OKAY!!!! I'm doing a 3.4 mile obstacle course run. It's called the warrior dash and I'm doing it with about 10 of my coworkers. I'm really excited to get back out there and start seeing results again in a HEALTHY WAY!!!!! My name for the dash is going to be BARBIE WARRIOR PRINCESS!!!!!
Thanks for reading my blog! I did miss blogging! Now I'm moving forward with life and accepting the lemons and making AMAZING LEMONADE and creating memories that will last me a life time!
-ME-
Here is what happened...
Since September I had been experiencing pain in my lower right side. It was random and would hit me so hard I would just cry. Then after 10 min it would go away. I went to my GYNO Dr. She worked me up for a few months. I had an ultra sound and blood work, but they couldn't figure it out. I went to the ER one morning in hopes they could figure out the pain, but no such luck. I went back to the Dr and she said that maybe I had scar tissue in my abdomen from getting my appendix out in 2007. In January I went to see the surgeon. I did another ultra sound and nothing was visual. The only way to figure out the pain was to have surgery. I was not too thrilled about this. I was scared out of my MIND!!!! The pain was getting more frequent and it was ruining my life. I had to stop going to the gym because it hurt me. I scheduled the surgery and gave up on my hopes to do the bikini show on March 12 and finish the body transformation by the end of March.
The weeks leading up to surgery I did attempt to go back to the gym and just ended up crying and asking Jamie to please hurry and take me home. I went again because I'm stubborn and I cried because I couldn't do the things I wanted to so I went into the empty class room and danced. I did ballet to the music in my head and made my experience more enjoyable.
I had surgery on February 17th. It was scheduled for 10:30, but I didn't go back into surgery until 3! It was a long day, not to mention I was at work the night before doing a bowel prep. That was fun.... NOT!!!!!
When I was going to sleep they asked me where I work nights and I told them and they said, "oh we will take extra good care of you." (I had surgery at the same hospital I work for.) I woke up an hour and a half later. I was being yelled at to breathe and then after I was more aware of what was going on I started to cry. I was scared and didn't know the people around me. I held my hand out to one of the nurses and asked him to hold my hand. This guy was skinny and had a mustache, but he held my hand and when he left the other nurse held my hand. I was put into some rolling recliner thing and taken to another area where my parents were finally able to come back. My dad informed me they talked to the Surgeon and he told them they had found endometriosis attached to my bowel and were able to safely remove all of it. They did not see any signs of it anywhere else. I started crying again and asked if I could still have babies. I remember my dad chuckling under his breath and saying yes you can still have kids. At some point I started crying again because there was no food at my house for my mom to eat. I was really stressed about that apparently, but I have no recollection about that. I had an abrasive nurse that kept saying things that on a normal day would have made me yell, but I was drugged. She brought me some Vicoden and let me get dressed as my dad went to get the car. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. There was something wrong with my FACE!!!!!! I was so mad! I had patiki eye!!!! I had a bunch of broken blood vessels all over my face. I had red dots all over my face, neck and chest. This probably happened at some point when I was having a hard time breathing. Not breathing, choking, coughing hard or even throwing up violently are some of the causes. I asked the nurse about it and she had no clue. She thought it was an allergic reaction at which point I tried to explain what it was and how it could have possibly been caused, but I'm sure in my head it sounded WAYYYY better than what came out of my mouth. When I got in the car with my dad I said there was something wrong with my face and my hair looked hideous and not to tell anyone I looked like that!
We made it back to my apartment. I tried to eat, but felt sick so I slept. My dad drove home to Pima and my mom stayed with me. The next day she drove me and my car down to Pima so I could be with my family as I recovered. I'm so glad I went home to recover because I needed the laughs and smiles of nieces and nephews to make me laugh and smile. We even had an ice cream party on my behalf because that's all I wanted to eat.
I'm glad the surgery is over and done with. I go back to the surgeon on the 22 for a follow up. I have some pain on and off, but nothing like before. I attempted to go back to work after a week of recovery, but after a few hours I was driven home by a great coworker that could see the pain in my eyes. I took another week off and I feel a TON better.
I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life to take care of me. My whole family made sure I didn't do to much although I did get in trouble a few times for picking up my 2 year old nephew! Jamie took care of me here and made sure I was eating and resting. I never wanted to eat, but when I had a craving he made sure that I could get whatever food I wanted quickly! My coworker Shari is an angel for taking me all the way out east to take me home because there was no chance in heck I could drive.
I start back on a work out schedule the 23rd assuming the Dr gives me the OKAY!!!! I'm doing a 3.4 mile obstacle course run. It's called the warrior dash and I'm doing it with about 10 of my coworkers. I'm really excited to get back out there and start seeing results again in a HEALTHY WAY!!!!! My name for the dash is going to be BARBIE WARRIOR PRINCESS!!!!!
Thanks for reading my blog! I did miss blogging! Now I'm moving forward with life and accepting the lemons and making AMAZING LEMONADE and creating memories that will last me a life time!
-ME-
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