No Sleep for Me

I can't sleep and I have a photoshoot in the morning. Nothing like bags under my eyes for looking glamourous.

Friday I had my appointment with Dr. G. He was nice enough. He spoke way too fast and I had to fight to get some information out of him. He said he reviewed my last visit and my pelvic rehab notes (I started pelvic rehab for the attempts to help with pain.) He asked about my pain and so on. Eventually he told me that I have polycystic ovaries, some adenomyosis, and of course the endo.

At one point he sat back at asked, "Okay so when do you want to get pregnant." I just sat there shocked! I had the doctor staring at me along with Jamie. I finally blurted out 5 years I guess. I just said that because I knew that's what Jamie wanted to hear. In my heart I was secretly screaming today!

I asked about my fertility statistics. He said assuming that the endo hasn't grown there should be no problems with that. He said that until I try we won't know if I can hold on to a pregnancy. He said that I have the same risk as anyone else. (I don't think I believe that.) He said that my biggest issue with be the polycystic ovaries. I'm not ovulation every time I have a period. So I will need help with that.

He suggested that I see a GI dr because he is convinced that my pain isn't all just coming from the endo. I think that's the stupidest thing of my life, but whatever I'll comply. He wants me to get an IUD.

In Feb I'll do a test that will show the size of my uterus and if it's big enough I'll have the 5 year IUD placed. I'm actually not sure how I feel about this. I flat out told the dr I have a hostile uterus and he told me that a hostile uterus will not make an IUD a bigger risk of perforation. He basically feels like the benefits of an IUD out weighs the risks.

I haven't really had time to digest the news until today. I don't even know what to do. I feel so torn. I hate what if's and I feel that's all I'm saying lately. It comes down to this… Jamie doesn't want kids. I love Jamie. I am not sure I want to have kids, but let's say I do. Then I have to leave Jamie, find someone else and then what if I still can't even have kids in the end. It's complete chaos in my head right now. I can't even sleep! It's 7:30 AM!