Over the weekend as I was putting together a toy for a young child I was interrupted by someone asking when I was going to have kids. I quickly shot back, "I'm not." To this she replied, "Oh just wait until you're 30 and your ovaries start quivering." At that point more nurses joined in saying how oh you'll be a mom and how can you not have kids.
To everyone out there… PLEASE STOP ASKING WHEN I'M GOING TO HAVE A CHILD!
You will never know what goes on in my mind. Just because your friend or sister in law or really anyone you may know has one of the same problems I do and ended up with children doesn't mean I will. I have THREE diagnosis' that stack up against me. (Endometriosis, adnomyosis, Polycystic ovaries) I was told FLAT OUT, "You will need help ovulating," and really that's just the beginning!
Just because you can't handle what I have to say doesn't mean you should continue to annoy me with your questions!
At this point in my life I am 25! I'm finishing nursing school! I have other things I'm worried about right now. I've had to put my dreams of having a family behind me. Just because other women can handle the pain that comes from losing a child, or pay thousands of dollars to POSSIBLY conceive doesn't mean I can or want to. The thought of getting pregnant and then losing that pregnancy is not something I can even begin to imagine.
Don't get me wrong, if by the grace and miracles of God I do conceive a child, I will love that baby with everything I have and more. However, if that miracle doesn't come I've accepted that (at least for now.) I do have the right to change my mind at any given chance and try valiantly to have a child, but that's not right now.
I'm just so sick of people thinking that just because I'm young I'm fertile. Just because I'm young I don't know what I want. Just because I have a disease that someone they know has I must be just like them. Well what they don't know is the hundreds of thousands of women who can't have kids because of just one of those three disease.
It's flat out rude to pester people about whether they want children or when they are going to have said children. It's rude that I have to sit in public and defend myself. It's disappointing that no one cares to listen to me since I know my body! It's sad that I feel belittled by other women because of my body. IT WAS NEVER MY CHOICE TO HAVE THESE PROBLEMS! It's not like I sat there one day and said, "You know I think it would be fun to have pain on and off for the rest of my life. It would be fun not to ever follow my dreams of being a mom." Not once have I ever thought those things.
You would think that women could be a little more empathetic towards that, but however that doesn't always seem to be the case. We should be building each other up and loving each other when life gives us lemons. We should rally around each other in love and friendship. I, for one, don't always like talking about my health issues, especially in the middle of working!
This was not meant to offend those involved, but to educate for the future of myself and others like me.
This is a blog where I have been able to open up and express myself. My hopes, my dreams, my struggles, my successes, my LIFE! I hope you enjoy reading about life through the eyes of me. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading.
It's just never really a good question. There are too many people who want kids but for some reason don't have them or are pregnant and not sure they wanted to be or have recently lost or are currently losing a pregnancy. I'm sorry they wouldn't let it go.
ReplyDeleteThere were many times over the years that I had to tell others to back off on the pushiness in wanting me to have a child. Finally I am 24 weeks pregnant at age 44, but it wasn't easy getting there especially since I have all three of the same diagnoses as you do. I had to pay out thousands of dollars to get pregnant, endure pregnancy loses and take medicines that made me not even like myself. If I had to do it over again I would to just have this one little miracle from God. But would I recommend it to others? No, not unless you are willing to have your heart ripped out and face little chance of having a child. I applaud you wanting to finish up your schooling. I hope that if you do change your mind later in life that they find better technology to make the heart ache easier to bear with more and better possibilities of conceiving a child and carrying it to term.
ReplyDeleteWho knows what the future holds for me. What I do know is that right now I'm not strong enough to handle the 9 months of anxiety just to carry the baby along with the stress of trying to conceive. I'm blessed in knowing that God has a plan for me and will never leave me alone during hard times. Whatever his plan is I know he will make me strong enough to endure it!
ReplyDeleteI would have liked to read to the end, but...just a few words of your response to this pressing, oft-repeated question prompted another similarly important query: WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SWITCH FONTS?! ;)
ReplyDeleteGood "seeing" you again - hope you + fam are all well.
Ryan