Saturday is my triathlon. I'm nervous, but excited. I mostly can't wait to hold my niece and nephews in my arms again. Have I mentioned that I love them? I love all my nieces and nephews. Nothing brings me as much joy in my life as my family does. They are all my little angels! I wish I could see them all more! And may I just add in here that I'm VERY protective of my family. I'm like a big mean dog when it comes to my family and protecting them.
I digress... Triathlon... I don't know if I'm ready. I'm not really in a good place mentally as of late. I dunno. I think I'm getting stronger and able to deal with things in my past, but then something brings me back down. I was starting to finally feel like I have a "voice" again. I felt like I wasn't left silent anymore. I'm still working on it. It's a work in progress for sure. It's not easy to be shut up for so long and then try and break that silence and go back to being "myself." I remember who I used to be and I like her. I wish I could just snap out of this silence I am in, but being shut up for so long became the new "me." At least I am trying I suppose.
Training for this tri has taken a toll on my body for sure. I haven't had to use my hard pain meds in months, but just a few days ago after a hard run I had to take one because of how bad my endo/cramps were. It's a weird pain and sort of different than my endo pain, but still feels the same (if that makes any sense.) I do feel better mentally when I run just not always physically.
I feel like this triathlon signifies a lot more than just running a triathlon. I feel like I've been tri-ing to get my life back. It's been something to work at that is hard for me, but each and every day I feel a little stronger. I know that I've over come a lot in my life so what is one measly triathlon. It's like nothing compared to some of the things I've been through.
I fly out Thursday and can't wait!
This is a blog where I have been able to open up and express myself. My hopes, my dreams, my struggles, my successes, my LIFE! I hope you enjoy reading about life through the eyes of me. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
A Special Heart
I finally got the results from my stress test on Wendesday morning. I had worked all Tuesday night and had stayed up for the appointment. Lately I've been having issues sleeping so I was EXHAUSTED. I was so tired I fell asleep in the room waiting for the Dr. to come in. I was a little embarrassed when the nurse practitioner finally walked it, but I quickly recovered and she appologized for being tardy.
She told me my heart looks beautiful. The stress test looked good and my blood pressure at is highest point was still with a normal persons resting blood pressure. She said everything was doing what is was supposed to. I asked her why I was having pain and if it was due to the murmur. She agreed that it was due to the murmur. She said the left valve has 3 little flaps that make up my heart valve. They each are connected to muscle fibers. One of the little flaps is a little late closing. They aren't all in sync with each other causing a small amout of blood to be forced back up the opposite way. When I warm up my heart I could possibly feel the pain because it's trying to get back in sync. I took months off of running because I hate it so much so when I started training again for my tri that's why it started acting up. She said that it's nothing to be concerned about and she too had the same problem and has never had any problems. I asked her about higher elevations and she said that I will have pain and palpitations because my heart is working extra hard because of lack of oxygen at higher elevations.
I have a special heart! I am glad that I finally have some answer. This is exactly what I needed to know. I am happy with the news I got and feel like it's the answer to all the questions I have had.
The 19th is my triathlon and I am scared out of my mind!!!! I'm not sure if I'm completely ready, but too bad I'm doing it anyways. It's going to be a lot of fun to do it with my sister. All I want to do is finish. I don't care about my time or place or really anything as long as I finish the silly race! I can't wait!
She told me my heart looks beautiful. The stress test looked good and my blood pressure at is highest point was still with a normal persons resting blood pressure. She said everything was doing what is was supposed to. I asked her why I was having pain and if it was due to the murmur. She agreed that it was due to the murmur. She said the left valve has 3 little flaps that make up my heart valve. They each are connected to muscle fibers. One of the little flaps is a little late closing. They aren't all in sync with each other causing a small amout of blood to be forced back up the opposite way. When I warm up my heart I could possibly feel the pain because it's trying to get back in sync. I took months off of running because I hate it so much so when I started training again for my tri that's why it started acting up. She said that it's nothing to be concerned about and she too had the same problem and has never had any problems. I asked her about higher elevations and she said that I will have pain and palpitations because my heart is working extra hard because of lack of oxygen at higher elevations.
I have a special heart! I am glad that I finally have some answer. This is exactly what I needed to know. I am happy with the news I got and feel like it's the answer to all the questions I have had.
The 19th is my triathlon and I am scared out of my mind!!!! I'm not sure if I'm completely ready, but too bad I'm doing it anyways. It's going to be a lot of fun to do it with my sister. All I want to do is finish. I don't care about my time or place or really anything as long as I finish the silly race! I can't wait!
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