Warrior Dash

I'm sooooooo HAPPY! I did it!

I DID IT! I FINISHED THE RACE!

I think I could cry because I am so happy!

Saturday night I stayed up late with some friends for a birthday. I finally fell asleep, but in the middle of my few hours of sleep I kept waking up with my heart pounding in my chest and I would have to look at the clock to make sure I didn't miss my alarm. I did this probably 10 times.

We all met at a co worker's house, Leslie and her husband Tate. From there we carpooled to Florence where we would be greeted with this sign...


To this I firmly replied out loud, "NO! I'm a princess! I'm the one they come to save." Of course everyone thought that was funny because, well let's face it, I think I am a princess. The name on the back of my shirt was Warrior Barbie! Enough said!

Well I continued to have anxiety up until the race. I was not sure what I was even thinking putting myself through this. All I knew was I made a promise to myself to do this and I was going to finish. I was not going to back down now! I was here I was ready to run... Kind of.

As you can see we wore plaid skirts to show how warrior we were. (PS the paper makes me look fat boo) Meg, Kristin and I are the ones in this picture. We all had the nurse skull and cross bones on the front and some kind of name on the back.

Thanks to my nerves I had to use the restroom... Well that is just a row of Porto potties. Not very classy!

So finally it was 1 and we were lined up at the start line. I was super nervous. I kept dancing around because I was scared.

The flame went of and that was the signal to RUN!
We ran and ran and ran and ran some more. We basically split off into 3 groups. Straight walkers. Walkers with a little running. and Running with a little walking. I was proud to be in the Running with a little walking club! It was so much fun!

There were all kinds of obstacles. Jumping over fire, army crawl through mud, walls to climb, running through a creek, and many MANY more.

When I was done I felt so FABULOUS! I was covered head to toe with mud, but I felt like a million dollars. So what I wasn't the fastest, but I finished strong. I proved to myself I can do things! I needed that!


That's me in the front left. Covered in mud, but beautiful as ever INSIDE!

Shoes, Recipes, and Running

I told myself I wasn't going to post until I had a chance to take a picture of my cute new wedges, but I am just tooooooooooooooo excited!!!!

Let me tell you about my new summer wedges... They are white and have sequins lace and just plain white on them. I can not do justice to their beauty! Love at first SIGHT!!!

It's been 2 weeks now that I have been trying REALLY REALLY hard to eat gluten free. I've been all kinds of google searches on recipes and ideas. I have talked to people I know that are gluten free for their ideas as well. I knew some ideas of what I could eat, but I'm not a bunny so for me to eat my weight in veggies didn't sound appealing. I soon learned two things, this is one of the hardest things EVER! and Wait this is a little easier than I thought!

When I first went to the store I had Jamie by my side. We just went to the Bashas that was on the corner. I almost cried the entire time and ended up purchasing corn tortillas, blue corn chips, and potatoes. So that is basically what I've been eating along with rice that I had at my house.

One morning, I kid you not, I had no idea what to eat so I ate brown rice with cinnamon. It wasn't too bad actually.

The hardest thing is reading the label on EVERYTHING!!!! The terryaki sauce I was using had wheat in it so I can no longer use that.
Another hard thing is taking the time to prepare meals. Working nights is not easy when it comes to making lifestyle changes.

Just a little while ago I found this blog with all kinds of recipes that are gluten free. I am excited to try them. I have given up dairy and that means my favorite food, ice cream, is now a no go. I found this recipe for strawberry chocolate chip sherbet! I'm super excited to try it out!

I also found a recipe for lime chicken tacos. Sounds DELISH!

I know that living gluten free may sound completely crazy, okay it is, but gluten isn't actually all that healthy. Gluten or wheat is used in things like wall paper glue... SERIOUSLY! It's because it's a sticky substance hence why it's used for GLUE!Now that you know it is sticky and used for glue maybe it will be easier to understand what is going on in many MANY people's tummy's. The gluten is sticking to bowels and who knows what else. This is why I have chosen to cut it out of my diet.
It was suggested to me to cut out many foods and after 2 months maybe add one thing back at a time to see if certain foods create more pain for me. I figured I may as well try!

I know you all are DYING to know how I'm doing with my running routine. Well I can do a lot better. Last Monday I went to the gym with my partner in crime and took his advice to lift first then to do my run. I DIED!!! Seriously let me tell you I could barely walk much less run! Jamie was telling me on the way to the gym that I should lift as hard as I can and so that's exactly what I did, but man oh man I'm still paying for that day at the gym.

As of today 17 more days until the run!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

One more thing... the site I found the recipes is http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/ GO THERE!!!!

A Punch in the Face

Don't laugh too hard at my fingers. It seems that I may have forgotten a few things from my ballet teacher, but EVERY time I look at this picture I can't help but laugh.


Jamie and I spent the weekend it California. It was a much needed break from things going on in life that just seemed too much to handle at the time.


Going to California was just the thing I needed to let go of all the hurt and pain that I have been feeling about my endometriosis. I was able to feel my Heavenly Father's love through the beautiful Earth He has given us. I felt like He knew me and knew my pain and that is what I needed.

As I was doing my laundry today I received an email from someone who I will keep anonymous that brought back my hurt. I want to share with you part of the letter to help people out there reading this blog what we women of endometriosis deal with. The context is me saying I needed to take this trip to California to take a break from the disease that now controls my life.

"Please consider next time you say you have “a disease that controls your life,” think of my sister and those millions of others that truly have a life changing disease. You can still have kids. You don’t have to change your life to accommodate doctor visits and treatments. You don’t have to have a special diet. You aren’t going to lose your job because of endometriosis. You are lucky. I am not saying any of this to make you mad or offend you or make you feel like I don’t care about the fact that you do have endometriosis. I am saying it to make you think."


To me this is a PUNCH IN THE FACE!!!!

Dear readers let me clear some things up...

One Endometriosis controls my life in the following ways
- I have pain.
- My pain strikes at any given time
- When the pain is bad enough I can not move for quite some time.
- I have been in the middle of saving a child's life when the pain came on and that was a very critical moment.

Two The doctor does not know if I can have children. There is a strong chance that I can yes, but I will not know until I try. Every period I have lowers the chances of ever having a child.

Three I work nights. So going to the doctor is a struggle because they are only open at certain times. If I do not get my pain under control with birth control I will be getting a monthly shot which will put me in to Menopause.

Four I do have a diet. GLUTEN FREE!!! oh and with that no sugar. No Caffeine. No Milk products (which includes my fav ICE CREAM.) No Red Meat.

Five I have missed days of work because I am in so much pain. I'm sure my team doesn't appreciate it when I don't show up for work. Especially when we run short staffed almost every night.

Six Sure I'm lucky that I am not dying, but I live with pain every day and there is no CURE!!! Not even the treatments take the pain away or the endo away. Surgery doesn't fix everything. Oh and if by the grace of God I do have a daughter the chances of her going through the same things I am is GREAT!

I once again encourage everyone to go and read about endometriosis and learn the facts before saying something that will hurt someone.

Learning

I love to learn. I really do. I don't like learning in a class room, but I do love to learn from hands on experiences. I believe that we should continue to learn every day. Well I'm learning alright. Here are some things I'm learning...

Endometriosis hurts and it is not very much fun.
ENDOMETRIOSIS IS A DISEASE!
How to cope.
People will not always understand and that is okay.
Watching someone you love going through something hard is tough.
To say thank you when people say little things that mean a lot to me like, "I wish you didn't have this disease," or "I wish I could take it away."
It's okay to cry.
I will get through this!
I need to work on patience because all this takes a while.

I ran Friday morning when I got off work I completed my first week of running. (at least my first week according to the program. I actually am trying to run 5 days instead of just 3) I should feel proud of myself, but I didn't feel so well when I finished so I just kind of collapsed on the floor instead. I thought training for the warrior dash would be easy. I thought that I could do these runs with no effect on my body, but that has proven to be untrue. I'm in this though and I'm going to run this dash. It may hurt some days, but I need to feel like I can do things.

For you people out there that can run and jump and do all these things I can't do with out causing myself pain CONGRATS to you! But know that for people like me we have another obstacle to over come. It's not easy for me to get out of bed some days. It's not easy for me to run. Running bounces my insides. Running causes my bowels to move which sometimes hurts. To complete this run to me is like showing endo that I'm not going to stand for the pain. I'm showing myself that I'm worth more than pain!


I'm taking a stand.



Who else will take a stand against endometriosis and (at least) LEARN about the disease?!

-ME-

Obesity

Wednesday I went with my friend Jess to a nutrition store because we had a card for free smoothies and body analysis. I was excited because I'm trying to be more health conscious and figured this would be fun. We go and it was this place where everyone knew everyone, there was chill music, and just a laid back atmosphere. We give them out card and they start talking to us about the nutrition program they are running. First we drink aloe vera mango water. That was delish!!!! It felt clean and pure. Next we had some tea. I'm not a fan of tea, but it was okay. Last we had a protein shake that was supposed to taste like cake batter. Forget that! I can only say it tasted like protein. It was not very good at all. They sat us down and we started to do our body analysis. Then began to go over the results. The boy that was doing the results was probably around 19ish and didn't know very much about nutrition and health. He was showing us a chart with body fat percentages and tells me I'm obese. I told him, "Um excuse me I don't think I'm obese. Look at me I'm not obese!" My friend Jess said, "Um yeah I don't think that is right." He said, "Um I don't know I guess we will just say you're at risk." I seriously almost punched that guy in the face! Sorry that's just my aggressive side coming out! But seriously! Jess told me that we will have to go back in a few weeks and see if there is a drastic change in those numbers.

I told Jamie and he said that maybe I should do a dunk tank because that is the most accurate. Those hand held devices at the gym (or nutrition store) are not always correct. OBVIOUSLY!

I'm trying to figure out when I should run with work. Should I run before work or after. It's such a major decision to make!

Jamie will soon start dieting down for his next show and I plan to do the show and diet with him. I am SUPER excited!!!! We get to be back stage together and it will be easier to diet when he is doing the same. We are also have a contest of who is sexier.

Run Away!

GREAT news I started my first run on Sunday! I am doing the couch to 5k and I did my first official run on Sunday. I was so proud of myself! I would have jumped in the air, but honestly I was a little tired and could barely make it down the stairs to leave. Monday I finished my second run! I just feel so accomplished. Okay, okay, I know it's only been two runs, but that's amazing for me. I'm not a runner. I don't like running, but I'm doing it because I set a goal! I bought these running skirts so I don't have to fuss with shorts and all the pulling and awkwardness of them if they ride up. These skirts rock my world! I also bought new running shoes because I felt like I deserved them! I will put up pictures shortly I promise.

Today I didn't go running. Today I went to the Dr. I spent the last month thinking that they removed the endometriosis off my right side where I had been feeling the pain only to realize that they found it on my left! I am still having pain on the right which is SOOOOOO annoying I cant even stand it. Thankfully I have a great Dr. who is working with me to find the best possible treatment. Unfortunately this disease is very very painful and that will never go away. He said my right side is clear of scar tissue and did not see any endometriosis, but it could be there just not visible with the naked eye. Unfortunately the only way to completely get rid of the pain is to take all my girly parts away and I'm not doing that because I hope to still have a baby one day!

I'm worried that me working out again is causing the pain, but I'm going to push through it and work for my goals that I have. I am not going to let the pain control me! I refuse to become a victim of the pain. I will "RUN AWAY" the pain!

-Me

Here's the truth

Well the truth is I've been avoiding the blog on purpose. I feel like I've let you all down and importantly myself down.

Here is what happened...

Since September I had been experiencing pain in my lower right side. It was random and would hit me so hard I would just cry. Then after 10 min it would go away. I went to my GYNO Dr. She worked me up for a few months. I had an ultra sound and blood work, but they couldn't figure it out. I went to the ER one morning in hopes they could figure out the pain, but no such luck. I went back to the Dr and she said that maybe I had scar tissue in my abdomen from getting my appendix out in 2007. In January I went to see the surgeon. I did another ultra sound and nothing was visual. The only way to figure out the pain was to have surgery. I was not too thrilled about this. I was scared out of my MIND!!!! The pain was getting more frequent and it was ruining my life. I had to stop going to the gym because it hurt me. I scheduled the surgery and gave up on my hopes to do the bikini show on March 12 and finish the body transformation by the end of March.

The weeks leading up to surgery I did attempt to go back to the gym and just ended up crying and asking Jamie to please hurry and take me home. I went again because I'm stubborn and I cried because I couldn't do the things I wanted to so I went into the empty class room and danced. I did ballet to the music in my head and made my experience more enjoyable.

I had surgery on February 17th. It was scheduled for 10:30, but I didn't go back into surgery until 3! It was a long day, not to mention I was at work the night before doing a bowel prep. That was fun.... NOT!!!!!

When I was going to sleep they asked me where I work nights and I told them and they said, "oh we will take extra good care of you." (I had surgery at the same hospital I work for.) I woke up an hour and a half later. I was being yelled at to breathe and then after I was more aware of what was going on I started to cry. I was scared and didn't know the people around me. I held my hand out to one of the nurses and asked him to hold my hand. This guy was skinny and had a mustache, but he held my hand and when he left the other nurse held my hand. I was put into some rolling recliner thing and taken to another area where my parents were finally able to come back. My dad informed me they talked to the Surgeon and he told them they had found endometriosis attached to my bowel and were able to safely remove all of it. They did not see any signs of it anywhere else. I started crying again and asked if I could still have babies. I remember my dad chuckling under his breath and saying yes you can still have kids. At some point I started crying again because there was no food at my house for my mom to eat. I was really stressed about that apparently, but I have no recollection about that. I had an abrasive nurse that kept saying things that on a normal day would have made me yell, but I was drugged. She brought me some Vicoden and let me get dressed as my dad went to get the car. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. There was something wrong with my FACE!!!!!! I was so mad! I had patiki eye!!!! I had a bunch of broken blood vessels all over my face. I had red dots all over my face, neck and chest. This probably happened at some point when I was having a hard time breathing. Not breathing, choking, coughing hard or even throwing up violently are some of the causes. I asked the nurse about it and she had no clue. She thought it was an allergic reaction at which point I tried to explain what it was and how it could have possibly been caused, but I'm sure in my head it sounded WAYYYY better than what came out of my mouth. When I got in the car with my dad I said there was something wrong with my face and my hair looked hideous and not to tell anyone I looked like that!

We made it back to my apartment. I tried to eat, but felt sick so I slept. My dad drove home to Pima and my mom stayed with me. The next day she drove me and my car down to Pima so I could be with my family as I recovered. I'm so glad I went home to recover because I needed the laughs and smiles of nieces and nephews to make me laugh and smile. We even had an ice cream party on my behalf because that's all I wanted to eat.

I'm glad the surgery is over and done with. I go back to the surgeon on the 22 for a follow up. I have some pain on and off, but nothing like before. I attempted to go back to work after a week of recovery, but after a few hours I was driven home by a great coworker that could see the pain in my eyes. I took another week off and I feel a TON better.

I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life to take care of me. My whole family made sure I didn't do to much although I did get in trouble a few times for picking up my 2 year old nephew! Jamie took care of me here and made sure I was eating and resting. I never wanted to eat, but when I had a craving he made sure that I could get whatever food I wanted quickly! My coworker Shari is an angel for taking me all the way out east to take me home because there was no chance in heck I could drive.

I start back on a work out schedule the 23rd assuming the Dr gives me the OKAY!!!! I'm doing a 3.4 mile obstacle course run. It's called the warrior dash and I'm doing it with about 10 of my coworkers. I'm really excited to get back out there and start seeing results again in a HEALTHY WAY!!!!! My name for the dash is going to be BARBIE WARRIOR PRINCESS!!!!!

Thanks for reading my blog! I did miss blogging! Now I'm moving forward with life and accepting the lemons and making AMAZING LEMONADE and creating memories that will last me a life time!

-ME-